The Light in the Darkness
by angels-are-watching
Summary: Castiel boards up the gates of heaven, but what are the consequences?


The sky flashes a blinding white light and then fades away; it's all over.

"Do you think that was it, Dean?" Sam asks Dean, on the passenger seat of the impala.

"Yeah. Yeah, they're gone. He's gone," Dean says, trying to hide the anguish and despair in his voice. Little stars strewn across the pitch black sky twinkle above them in the empty field where the impala sits. Dean's thankful that it's dark so Sam can't see his face because he can't mask what he feels inside, not this time. His eyes are looking down, face stone cold. He can feel an emptiness around his heart that wasn't there before, just adding to the losses he's already decaying over. But, this one's different; this one's worse. It isn't just the pain and grief, it's like trying to live without someone who could fill the void in your heart, and then leaving a bigger one.

"Dean, if you want to talk about it-" Sam says, interrupted by Dean.

"Sam. Stop it. He's gone. Cas is gone. He's back in heaven now. The angels are boarded up, and It's better this way."

"No it's not. It's not for you. You can't just go around pretending you're okay all the time, especially after this, after losing Cas," Sam says, trying to keep his voice passive.

"Look, we've lost people before, but he's not even dead. It's over with."

"Dean, why do you always do this? Just talk about how you feel for once!" Sam says with exasperation.

"You wanna how I feel?" Dean asks between clenched teeth. Tears start to well up in his eyes as the flashbacks start pouring into his head. He pictures those blue eyes and that trench coat and the inverted tie, and he's surprised at what it all means to him. This guy, this angel, who dragged his sorry ass out of hell, rebelled for him, fought with him, was the light in the darkness, and was his best friend.

"I feel like a part of me is gone. I feel like I should've been there when he got locked up in heaven and that I didn't even get to say goodbye. I can't stop thinking about 'what would Cas say' and 'what would Cas do?' I feel like the angel on my back is gone and I'll never get him back. I miss him. I miss him, man." Dean says through blurry eyes. They sit in silence for a little, then Sam nods.

"Okay. You'll be okay, we'll be okay. We'll get through this, together. Like always," Sam says after careful thought. Dean gets out of the car and leans on the hood, just staring up at the blanket of stars above him. Sam follows after him, grabbing a couple of beers. They sit there for hours, not doing anything, not saying a word.

"Sam. Do you think he's up there, watching?" Dean asks.

"Of course he is," Sam replies.

Castiel crouches under a table of a random man's heaven, angel sword clutched tightly in his hand. He's out of breath from all the running and hiding, and he just wants it to be over. He wipes some blood off of his forehead, not sure if it is his or another angel's. A ringing sound echoes through his head and he knows it's coming. Deans voice reverberates in his head and he lets it fill his mind.

"Cas, buddy, I hope you have your ears on. Um, Sam and I, we're doing fine. Um, I'm training to be a firefighter and Sam thinks I'm gonna have a mental break down and won't leave me alone. I know he's worried about me, but he should go back to Stanford. I hope the angels aren't giving you too hard of a time up there, we miss you, man."

That's the third time Dean's prayed to him in the past week. He likes hearing from Dean, he just momentarily gets to escape all the bloodshed in heaven. He's being hunted for shutting the gates of heaven, and there are only so many places to hide.

Sam knocks on Dean's apartment door. It's been a month since he left for college and he texted Dean saying he would come up and check on him. Dean said that he didn't need to and that goddamnit he was the older brother, but Sam had to anyways. No one answers the door and he knocks again, louder this time. No one answers, which is odd because he told him the exact time he was coming. Sam picks the lock of the door and slowly opens it, peeking in. He calls out Dean's name. He makes his way through the living room and into Dean's room. Behind the bed, he sees a leg sticking out. His heart rate quickens, and he pulls out his pocketknife. He slowly makes his way to the bed and sees Dean's lifeless face laying on the ground. His arm is limp and holding a scorched knife and burnt outlet plug right next to him.

After all those hunts under pressure, Sam's mind goes blank. He calls 911 and put his fingers up to dean's neck, feeling for a pulse. There's nothing. A note is sitting on the bedside table addressed to Sam.

"_Sam, I'm sorry. I had to, Cas was in trouble, I could feel it. I knew. I needed to see him and if you came on time, you can still bring me back. I'm not dead yet and I would never leave you. I'm coming back, I promise. I needed to see Cas. I'm sorry. -Dean" _

Sam could barely read the last couple sentences of the letter because the tears were blurring his eye sight. He pulls Dean into his arms, tears streaming down his face. "Dean! Dean!" Sam futilely shouts. The paramedics have to pry Sam off of Dean to get him on the stretcher.

Dean wakes up in a tent in the woods. He remembers the last time he was in heaven to follow the path, so that's what he does. He gets out of the tent and follows a trail for what seems like miles. Suddenly, there's a sharp pain on the top of his head and he blacks out. A hand comes in to covers Dean's mouth and pulls him away.

Dean's eyes flicker open and looks over to see Ash and Castiel sitting beside him. He's laying on the pool table in the bar and slowly sits up, rubbing his head.

"Dean, what are you doing here?" Cas says with concern.

"How did I….?" Dean says, still groggy

"I pulled you out of there. What are you doing here?" Cas asks again.

"I came because you called. You were in trouble and I'm your batman."

"Dean, you killed yourself to help me? I am a dead man walking, but you still have a life."

"I came to get you out of here so we can live our lives together!" Dean remarks.

"Do you realize what the angels will do when they find you? Go back, go back to Sam now, while you still have the time."

"I'm not leaving you Cas, not again."

"There's no time! The-" Three angels appear and surround all of them. Their angel blades are out and there's fire in their eyes.

"We have Winchester boy too, I see," an angel says.

"Don't you dare touch a hair on Dean's head," Cas says daringly. "I will pay. You can take me, but leave him alone. He had nothing to do with this."

"Seize them both," the angel says.

"No! Dean, go back to Sam, now!"

"Cas, I need to tell you, I-" Dean says as he sees Cas's eyes turn from blue to white and light burst through every hole in his body. He falls to the ground, wing marks scorched around him onto the floor. A bright white light fills the room and then darkness.

Dean takes sucks in a breath and wakes up in his own body, sweating and in a hospital bed. Sam hurries over to him and starts yelling his name, but Dean can't hear him. He's just background noise. He looks down, expecting to see wing marks on his arms, but there's nothing.

"I killed him. I killed Cas, he sacrificed himself for me. He brought me back here. I thought I could get save him, but of course he bleeds for me. Sam, Sam I did it again, I killed someone again and I didn't even -" Dean takes a breath and keeps going. "I didn't even get to tell him that I-, that I-"

"Hey, it's okay Dean. It's okay. He knows. He always knew."


End file.
